Nice Guys: What to look out for and how to avoid them

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Here’s some advice for the ladies.

When you hear the phrase nice guy thrown around, you may instinctively think, “Hey, that is the sort of guy that I would really like to get to know.” But seriously, if you have kept your nose out of popular culture recently, then you probably won’t realise that it is in your best interest to stay away from these sorts of people.

The very idea that “nice guy’s finish last”is not a very honest one. Women do not just love the bad boy or jock stereotype. Instead, they are interested in well-rounded individuals that have a strong sense of their own identity, their own interests and goals, personal boundaries and are not just interested in jumping into bed with them.They do not mould themselves to suit a woman and instead just find someone who just naturally clicks with them. However, for the “nice guy”, this is certainly not the case. These are the sort of men that are not willing to wait to find someone who suits them. Instead they blame the lack of sex and intimate relationships in their lives on the world and people around them.

If you are new to the dating scene, avoid them as much as you can!

What is a Nice Guy?

Do not be fooled by the title, to be labelled as a “nice guy” is certainly not a compliment. A Nice-Guy is the sort of person who, on the surface, appears to be very kind and respectful. However, if their intended partner rejects their advances then they will quickly change to abusive or rude. Usually their caring outer shell is used to hide ulterior motives, such as a reward of sexual or romantic gestures.

If you meet a nice guy, not all of them may meet your stereotypical expectations. Normally you would assume someone of a nice guy nature is someone who, as The Independent has noted, “overcompensates with clingy and over-the-top behaviour to women” will be extremely unattractive. This is what you will mostly find online, especially in the more forums of Reddit, like the “Black Pill Science” Forum or the “Nice Guys” Forum, but in real life, even the most attractive men can have a nice guy attitude. It is up to you to distinguish who may have ulterior motives for your date.

Examples of Nice Guy behaviour may include:

Fake Kindness: On the outside, the Perfect Gentleman, On the Inside, a Rude Man child
Gender Stereotypes: Complains that Women always see other men just to be used for sex, yet cannot sleep with them themselves
Victim Mentality:Blaming the world for their lack of a relationship
Niche Interests: Whilst they will be genuinely interested in these, they will use them to try and use them as “macho” characteristics to impress women
Hatred of “Normies”: If you hear your date mention that “women like bad boys” or “normies”, you are most likely dealing with a nice guy.
Indebted Women: If you are nice to a nice guy, then they will definitely believe that you owe them for it
Quick Attitude Changes: A Fake Kind and Caring Attitude will be prone to 180 flips if the nice guy does not get their way
General Sexism: A belief that women are solely designed to please men. This may also make them fall into the “Black Pill Mentality”, a reactionary ideology from nice guys that believe personality means nothing and that women will only sleep with “Omega Men.”
Ignorance of Hypocrisy:Whilst they may preach that pretty women do not care about a man’s personality over his looks, they certainly will not give an average woman a second glance.

How to handle a Nice Guy’s Advances?

No matter what sort of woman you are, a sexually active business woman, a shy asexual university student or even a Bubbles Escort in Luton, you deserve respect and should not be pressurised into meeting, dating or having sex with these sort of men, or even women!

For the majority of nice-guys, you should be aware that once you start talking to them, they may actually start to keep tabs on the things you do and say. Whilst it may not be said out loud, if you end up being too nice to them or initiate physical contact with them, then you may have unwittingly involved in a “Covert Contract.” This is where a nice guy may misinterpret a woman’s actions to signal that she is interested in a romance relationship, when in reality she is just trying to get to know them or just make a new friend.

For Dr Jesse Marczyk, a psychologist interviewed by The Independent, she believes that

“The men who tend to get stuck in the friend-zone might not be attractive enough on their own (physically, socially, or otherwise), and so try to compensate for their shortcomings by investing in women more than their peers. In other words, they might use kindness to try and make up for what they lack elsewhere.”

The end result of this means that their expectations are mainly based on the idea that if you romantically meet someone else’s needs, without needing to be asked, then they should be willing to also satisfy your own needs. The very question of having someone reject these advances are completely unprecedented in a nice guy’s plans. This is why you may find that a nice guy may lash out if their potential partner rejects them.

If you find that this sort of thing is happening to you, then the only way out of the situation is to be honest. Unfortunately, nice guys can be extremely persistent and tend to try and use a victim mentality to get their own way. Never beat around the bush with a nice guy, if you do then this may lead to them becoming even more clingy towards you. That’s why you simply have to be strong and tell them that you are not interested. Keep confident and that will hopefully make them back off. Yes, they may slander you, call you names and even may start to post mean things online about you, but the more you keep your dignity and don’t react to their negative behaviour, the less likely others around you will be willing to defend their toxic manners.

The Worst of the Worst

Unfortunately, these sort of people just do not take no for an answer. Even if you are blunt towards them and express your opinions, they may still take it to extreme. Always keep the people around you on high alert if you start to notice any of this behaviour

⦁ Stalking
⦁ Online Stalking
⦁ Phone/Cold-Call Harassment
⦁ Verbal Harassment
⦁ Verbal Abuse/Intimidation of Friends/Loved Ones
⦁ Suicidal Threats

If worst comes to worse, do not be afraid to get authorities involved. Whilst the majority of Nice Guys will not take it to a level where the police need to be involved, it is always better to be safe than sorry. If you start to feel threatened then always stick to your friendship groups, never walk around on your own in a secluded spot and always speak to people of authority about the nice guy’s behaviour.

Advice to Nice Guys

Some Nice Guys do actually become self-aware of their behaviour and try to break away from it. This is never a bad thing and these sort of people should be praised for their efforts. The realisation that change needs to happen is a reflection of their romantic maturity and can only benefit them in the long run. If you are looking to find a romantic relationship, do not spread yourself so thinly. If someone does not like you then you will simply have to accept it. Whilst you may feel infatuated with them, this will not change their mind. It is better to go and find other women who may be more interested in your advances.

If you are trying to gain a woman’s interest then you mainly have to be yourself. Women are not looking to be impressed by a man’s sexual prowess. Instead she wants an individual who is well-rounded and will treat her with respect. Be genuinely “nice” to her and you will see that the romantic results may develop in time. Never rush a relationship. When you have met the right person then you will have met the right person.

Keep your Dating Habits respectful!

You should never feel forced to appease someone just because they are extremely clingy. Allowing this sort of behaviour to continue solely will reinforce a nice guy’s negative habits. Never lead them on. The best way of dealing with this sort of person is genuinely just letting them down gently. If it does not work, then simply keep reinforcing it. The more you stick to your word and reject their advances, the less likely they will keep trying to obsessively cling to you. Instead they will be able to move on and potentially find someone who will be able to make them genuinely happy.

Content Writer: Hannah Fletcher

  

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